Notes: The following story is dedicated to anyone who has ever worked in a call center and been on the receiving end of the abusive customer. I've been there and feel your pain. Enjoy.
The call center was a hive of activity. Amongst the constant babble of voices and buzzing of phones ringing Sue Carson sighed deeply, disconnected the previous call and sought sanctuary from the mug of coffee in front of her. She knew it was a vain hope that the caffeine might somehow improve things, but after the morning she'd had a vain hope was better than no hope at all. As she answered the next call she glanced down at at the shock'em switch she'd secretly installed at her position after one too many wines at the previous years Christmas party. The switch had been installed as a joke and she wasn't even sure if the thing would work, but as the latest abuse from her customer began in earnest she found herself thinking the time to test it had finally arrived. Her hand nervously hovered over the switch, and as the customer dropped his twenty fifth F bomb she pressed the button, without once thinking of the consequences
For a long moment nothing happened. The customer continued his abuse unabated for a good five minutes, until what sounded like a swarm of angry bees drowned him out. The sound that followed would haunt Sue continually for the next few days; an ear splitting scream followed by unsettling silence.
"What the hell was that? And why can I smell charcoal chicken?"
Startled by the voice Sue glanced over at her neighbor Maria Gonzales. Maria made the concept of the work email virtually redundant. Whatever was happening in the office at any given moment the chances were very high that Maria would know about it long before anyone else.
"Um, I'm not sure." Sue replied, still not sure whether the scream had been the result of her drunken revenge. As they watched pandemonium broke out around the office. First aid officers and paramedics came running and disappeared into her supervisor's office, a universally hated man by the name of Bill Shackleton.
"Holy shit, he must have been monitoring me." Sue whispered to herself, realizing the horrible truth as they wheeled her slightly well done boss past them.
Phil Norris, one of the many team leaders suddenly appeared at the front of the room and did his best to restore order to the floor.
"Alright everyone back to work please, the paramedics have the situation under control."
"Oh my God, he's not dead is he?" Maria exclaimed.
"No, thank god but he's incredibly lucky. He's just had a very nasty shock."
For the remainder of her shift Sue was transformed into a very nervous young woman. If Shackleton had only received a minor shock by remotely listening to her call then what the hell had happened to the caller? It was something she didn't like to dwell on, because logically once the authorities discovered what had happened it wouldn't take them very long to trace the source back to her.
Somehow she made it to the end of the day, and still shaking made her way home. Her flatmate Martha, who never seemed to work, looked up from her meal of champagne as Sue walked through the door.
"Oh hey, how was the day?" Sue managed a half smile.
"Alright, I think I may of killed someone but on the whole not bad." Martha laughed at this, and Sue joined in not wanting to ruin the illusion.
"Hey did you happen to catch the news? Apparently a customer of the firm you work for received a nasty shock while querying his bill."
"Really?" She asked nervously.
"Yeah, the police say he's luck to be alive. Remind me to never do business with you lot. Sounds like a risky venture to me."
"No problem. Look I think I'm going to turn in early, It's been a hell of a day."
"No worries. Sleep well."
Once in her room Sue threw herself onto the bed, and tried desperately to compose herself. What the hell was she going to do? If she somehow managed to get away with what she'd down she could make a fortune hosting a master class on the best way to cook abusive customers. The funny thing was, although she was upset by what had happened to Shackleton and the customer she didn't really feel any remorse either. As far as she was concerned the caller had got what he deserved, it was just unfortunate that Shackleton had happened to get caught in the cross fire. She decided the best course of action was to take a few days off, to allow the heat to die down down a bit, and then go back and cop whatever came her way. Her mind made up she settled down and attempted to sleep, she was unsuccessful.
When she returned to work a week later she wasn't at all surprised to find Shackleton waiting for her.
"Good morning Sue. Well rested I trust?" She nodded weakly. "Good. Before you start do you mind if we have a quick chat." It wasn't a question, so she stepped meekly inside his office. Once inside she found the CEO Michael Fitzpatrick waiting. He motioned towards the seat opposite him.
"Hello Sue. Please sit down." He gave her a stern look and continued. "I'm not a man to beat around the bush so I'll get right to the point. We found the switch." Oh God, she thought to herself, here it comes. Say goodbye to the daylight girl, your fears are about to become a reality.
"What you did was reckless and irresponsible and could have easily ended the lives of two innocent people."
"I understand, and I'm sorry but I'll come along quietly." Fitzpatrick looked sideways at her.
"Come along quietly where? I'm not arresting you, although we should. No, I've had a few people look at this switch of yours and I can't deny the idea is a work of pure genius. The media as you know had a field day with this at first, but there's been a side effect I have to say we weren't expecting. Since that customer got fried at your touch there's been a significant turn around in the amount of payments we've received. These people have become terrified of what we'll do to them if they don't pay their bills, so they've been paying in their hundreds. We'd be mad not to let this opportunity pass us by, so I'm here to offer you a deal."
"What sort of a deal?" He handed a document over.
"The figure you see here is not a misprint. If you agree to sign the switch over to us we'll pay you that amount. Naturally you're employment with us will be terminated effectively immediately if you agree. Well? Do we have an understanding?"
There was a long pause. Ice ages came and went. It all seemed a tad surreal, and any moment she expected to awake from a particularly good dream. However this was no dream. Her drunken frustration at abusive caller after abusive caller had actually paid dividends. She looked up at Fitzpatrick, grinned and signed her name.
END
copyright Jez Cartner 2012
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